I can’t write with pen and paper nor with a desktop computer… But give me a laptop and I’ll spew miles worth of inane ramblings that don’t mean jackshit. I’m using a desktop to write this particular entry and it’s exceedingly hard. Don’t know why.
But anyways. The new Mars Volta album is out. The bedlam in goliath. Get it now if you haven’t gotten it yet. It’s like catnip spiced coffee sprinkled on chocolate chip cookies and served on nubile young girl’s delicious flat chest. Only better.
I always forget how beautiful
Things are always the same where ever I go. It’s only variations of appearance. And for appearances sake are the greatest stupidities made. Can’t think. Doesn’t think. Won’t think. Most don’t think about themselves most the time. Most never. They do things because they are done. Never do they think why things are done that way. Or why they feel the way they feel, why they think the way they think.
I on the other hand am way better than the majority of most. After all… I AM a god. I think all the time, constantly. I always question my feelings, thoughts, actions, existence. I talk with me all the time, dialogue in my head. I let my mind take the roles of my friends, people that I know. I try to figure out the holes in my thoughts. “Where they go to the forest”, as we say in
Is that the secret to my smarts? I don’t know. What I do know is that it has made me make up some damn good excuses and combined with my fiendish good looks it has gotten my out of trouble many times. Damn I’m good.
Damn I get sidetracked easily.
I feel so old. For Christ’s sakes, I’m only 19 and I already feel like I’ve got one foot in the grave. Dave (40-something nutcase from
By the way, Berserk by Kentaro Miura is THE shits. You should all read it.
Ps. Chocolate chip cookies with dark roasted coffee is, also as they say, the shits.
Pps. I’m supposed to go study English on a university level… yay me.
Post scriptum addendum: I didn’t get in, btw. Hands up who’s surprised. Trying again this year.
Oh, and just so you know. David isn't talking to me anymore. Haven't since summer. To my knowledge he stopped talking to me 'cus I objected to his attempts at wooing a female friend of mine. She was 19 at the time and tiny little pixie thing. David's 400 pound monster who's 45 years old. And let's not go into the psychologicals of the relationship... So I have fewer friends now because of that. And apparently they are dating now.
Kouvola bus-station,
I hate being between places. I really do. There’s nothing more irritating than waiting for the ride at a place where you don’t belong. I don’t know anyone here. I don’t know any places to go in here. All I can do is sit in this crummy station café waiting for the bus to arrive so that I can move on towards home. Watching the stupid little people go on with their stupid little lives. And what the fuck is up with Kouvola, anyways? There’s like gazillion tuners here. It seems like it’s the friggin’ tuning capitol of
But then again, who am I to judge. I spend most of my money on cds that I could easily just download from the internet. How silly of me. I know damn well that it’s the future and all, but I just prefer to buy mine as cds. Got a quarrel with me on that? Tough luck.
Seems again, that I’m just ranting about everything that comes to my mind, eh? Well I don’t care. I’m doing this because I’m really fucking bored in an unfamiliar place. It gives me something to think about. So you can just go fuck yourself.
2nd of July 2007
Somewhere in
I love laptops. Here I am in a bus waiting for my inevitable boredom in Lapinjärvi. Typing away, like there’s no care for tomorrow. And there isn’t, actually. Tomorrow comes tomorrow and it’ll bring what it’ll bring. Call me careless, but also call me stressless.
I’m just that kind of person. Can’t be arsed to care for tomorrow and I can’t worry about the past. Actually I couldn’t, even if I wanted to. Most of the times I don’t even remember what happened yesterday. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with my memory. Just somewhere along the line of experiencing today and saving it for tomorrow there’s a little KoC saying “what’s the point?”. I mean why save your day to day life? You know hoe you live? And again, here’s a chance for a big misunderstanding, “he has a boring life”, “his life sucks so there’s nothing to remember”. I love my life. Every damn day of it. Of course I’ll remember if yesterday was good or bad. I’ll remember if something important happened. And I’ll remember that I enjoyed living it. But the thing is, I already know what makes life enjoyable for me. There’s no need to write it down to my head everyday. If I remember that I had a good day, I’ll pretty much know what kind of stuff I did then. And I also know how to enjoy the little things, a good cup of coffee, a pretty girl walking by and smiling at you, nice nap on the lawn after you just cut the grass. There’s no need for me to engrave the details. If it was good then, that’s enough for me. And C is for cookie.
Friday 28th of June 2007
Beyond the fabric of time, space and civilized world.
I’m working at the gym today. My work details are as follows: be present, be present and be present. So basically, I’m getting paid for just being here. You’d think it’s the best job ever… well, the pay is shite and it’s so boring that I can literally feel my brains going all mushy. I have to keep my headphones on all the time just to keep my brains from flowing out my ears.
I’ve been writing all day. I never write. That’s mostly because, unlike every other 5 cent wannabe artist out there, I am aware of the fact that I can’t write for shit. And I’m not saying that I’m a wannabe artist. I just get these urges to write something every now and then. I seem to have a knack for dialogue. But that’s all I can make. Decent, sometimes even funny, dialogue. You can’t exactly make much with just dialogue. Especially if you lack everything else.
See? Dilemmas everywhere. I want to write but I can’t. Only thing I can do is mould and sculpt. But then again… I’m pretty damn good with that. And there’s a decent drawer hidden somewhere inside me. So I ain’t completely a lost case, methinks.
Sure, I could always get back to playing guitar. But I just and just know the basics. I only played for a very short time. And it’s been some time. You’d figure I’d be pretty decent ‘cus I have damn nimble fingers (wink, wink) But alas, I lack the strength to be able press the strings down enough. Maybe I should get thinner strings for now and build up my finger strength from there… Meh, ain’t got the patience for that. As long as I can find music that I can enjoy, I don’t need to start making my own.
Hmm… can’t think of more to say, so I guess I’ll call it a day for now.
Play nice.
Siviilipalvelus.
27. kesäk. 07 klo.12:45
Täällä mie nyt olen lapinjärven punttisalilla tappamassa aikaa kirjoittamalla. Ei sillä, musa pauhaa, ja tekstiä tulee. Mutta vedetäänkin jatko suuren maailman kielellä jotta voidaan joskus tällä jotain tehdä...
Well basically I’m very damn bored right now. Bit tired and feeling for a cup of cola. Life ain’t perfect nor fair but we all play with the cards that we’re given, right? Just read an article about witchcraft from a Jehova’s witness’s pamphlet (sic?). Was rather amusing stuff. I dunno what’s with the religious gits these days… I mean they contradict themselves in their writings SO much that it has to be conscious. No-one fucks up THAT much by accident. I swear to god. They don’t even believe in that shit themselves. They’re just having a big laugh on our expense.
But then again… who am I to judge. After all I myself am the benevolent (most of the time, at least) God-Emperor of the kingdom of clouds. And the high-priest of the state religion of the kingdom of clouds. Not to mention the fact that I am also the only resident of the said state and member of said religion… but we’ll change that, won’t we? WON’T WE?!
Fucking skeptics doubting me…
Oh well, we can’t have it all. If we could even have some of it. It’s not like I ask too much. I would be very content with few new CDs, a good book or two and for everybody to LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! That’s not too much to ask, right?
So anyways, I might get a job from closer to home which means I’d be getting the fuck away from here. It’s not so bad here that it’d warrant such hostility towards the place… It’s just that everyone I know are a tad under 100km away and I feel so left out. I do like the people here too. Some great guys I’ve met here, some normal some completely fucking disgusting idealist hippie scum. But then again… I am a bit idealistic & romantic at heart myself. So I can’t blame him (too much). Yeah, yeah… I can hear some screaming from the backrow there. “But You’re a complete fucking prick and there isn’t a single fucking shred of decency or even humanity in your shriveled little soul!” Well, that’s life for you. Sometimes the pricks are just pricks and sometimes the pricks are filled with a creamy heart.
I guess that’s all for now, ‘cus if I continue from that thought it’d start to go down introspection lane. And I don’t mind that personally, but I guess no one wants to read that, right? But, hey! You can always ask me to tell more about myself. Just ask, and if you’re not a complete dickwad, I just might tell you something.
