Transcendental philosophy.

Updating is for excessive masturbators.

"Can't you hear the beat?"

My sister's a drummer. Pretty good at it too. It's in our blood. Dad was a drummer too when he was young.
I have a tendency to tap things. Drum without the drums. One day I was just playing the same old thing with my fingers when my sister said that I always drum that same tune. “Don't you know how to play anything else?”, she asked. I told her that we all have our own beat. A little tune we beat when we are out of focus, when there isn't any songs playing in our heads. Nothing to occupy our hands and the hand acts on it's own. Beating our souls baseline.
A little peek to our souls and how we see the world. The beat is unique, even if the tune is sometimes shared.

Updootan like a motherfucker!

I do believe that little updating is in order. First things first, I got accepted to Helsinki University with major in theoretical philosophy. I'm presently looking for a place to live in there and will hopefully be moving there next month.

This is freaking the hell out of me, to say the least. I do not deal well with time and growing older. And to top it off I'm turning 21 in a month. So big adult shit combined with a factual reminder of my age is making me feel a bit bummed out right now. But fear not, I do believe that will grow up (no pun intended) to be severely freaking the fuck out by next month. So yeah, hilarity will ensue.

Other things are pretty much okay in my life. Nothing stressing or looming behind my back waiting to sneak up on me. Atleast not to my knowledge. Hopefully it will remain that way.

And I'll try to play nice. You all should too.

The white heroes of Empirism

Tests are done, did my best. If I get in, it’s because I was that good. If I don’t, the others were better. It’s as simple as that. I will find out about that in mid-July.

Then let’s go to personal matters… There was this temp at work I got really interested so we switched numbers. (How I managed in that was an adventure on it’s own as it involved some difficulties, Explanations best left for later.) She was there for work-practice for school and she left in the beginning of May. I’m all “we should hook up” and shit. But she’s telling me that she’s off to France for a month. Got it planned ages ago. So she goes for a month.

She came back awhile back. And I’m all “let’s hook up!” again. Oh, no. She’s got another month travelling Finland. But she’d love to meet me after that. And I’m still waiting like a silly little motherfucker killing time and being all confused that is she just messing with my head?

I do love life, regardless. Is summer, yo.

Conflictings and shiatzu.

I REFUSE TO UPDATE JUST FOR THE SAKE OF UPDATING!

And yet I did it... Such paradoxes I make.

Market square heroes.

“And you sit there and talk revolutions
But can you tell me who’s in command?
When you tell me the forces we’re fighting
Then I’ll join you and gladly make plans.”

I’m not much of a radical but I am willing to be the frothing battle priest for a cause.
I already know the enemy, it stares me in the mirror daily. I just need an alternative for it. A solution. I will accomplish nothing by changing the world. I need to change man. The problem is, I don’t know how. Until then I need to bide my time, watch, listen and learn. Most of all learn. For this is a battle fought with knowledge and wisdom. This is the cold war for the soul of mankind. No, for the soul of a man. In singular. If I gain the knowledge to change myself… To redeem one soul. Then I may be able to attempt it en masse. From singular to plural. From a speck of dust, smaller than a grain of sand, to a sandstorm.

Sounds easy, doesn’t it?

Matters concerning the late Clothing

This kid comes walking past me, wearing a Rush t-shirt from the Fly by night tour. I take a quick glance at the smarmy little pecker and I say unto him: “Why, my good sir! That is a damn fancy t-shirt you are sporting! You are a fancy man!” The kid looks at me and says all shy and muffled, “Yeah, it was a good gig, man.” I blink. I blink again.

“Dude… you’re twelve.”

“Yeah… What’s that got to do with anything?”

“That tour predated you by a long shot.”

“You weren’t there, you wouldn’t know. Les’s bass solo was so insanely over the top during that one gig that it created some kind of freakish time warp and shit like that.”
I blink again.

Needless to say that the little pecker got a piercing to his solar plexus that day.

A voice in the crowd.

Terrorism. Bomb. Martyr. Suicide bomb. 9/11. Allah. Jihad. Fatwa. Bombos. America. Holy war. Tits. BOOM! Osama. Bush. Axis of evil. Terrorism. Freedom fighters. Bombing runs. Freedom fries. I swear to god they sold exported “freedom beer” in my local booze market. Bombs galore. Bombs, bombs, bombs and more bombs. How to make bombs. Etc.

Now that I have your attention… Terrorists are idiots. The only thing they actually do accomplish is pissing off governments and their agencies. The point of terrorism is to create fear to make governments bow down to the demands of said terrorists.

But then again… the secondary aim of terrorists is to make the population of the targeted country or ethnicity or whatever suffer as they think they are suffering. And as such limiting their personal rights is one way to achieve said goal. From here we can deduce that pissing off governments works on some level as that forces them to slap on all of this anti-terrorism actions that effectively limit it’s peoples rights.

But that’s just side tracking from my original point. And that point is “Effective Terrorisming 101”. What makes the upperclasses (ie. ruling class) scared shitless? Losing money. What is the most effective way of stealing/destroying money? Destroying infrastructure? Nope. Killing your dudes? Nope. Killing your civilians? A big whooping nope. Telecommunications dickery? Fuck yes.

The reason terrorism never works is ‘cus it haven’t worked so far. And it hasn’t worked so far as the current breed of terrorists are idiots. Complete and utter idiots. The moment they start bombing shit and killing civilians makes their whole point of fighting, no matter how noble or just, null and void. You will only turn everyone against you, even those who you’re fighting for. But if you can get governments scared shitless behind closed doors… There’s no telling what kind of back alley deals you can make.

Terrorist checklist should look like this, then:
Step one. Go for the money and STRAIGHT for the money.
Step two. Do it discreetly. There’s not a single government who’s ready to humiliate themselves willingly.
Step three. Back alley dealings for greater profit.

So get your hacker diplomas ready, people. You’re the freedom fighters of tomorrow!

Theology 101.

Spiders are the proof that there is a god. And that god is one evil sonofabitch.

I am willing to believe that evolution has created all other life on earth. And that they are so perfect for their little niches that they are occupying, because that’s the only way to survive. That’s how evolution works. But what niche does pure malevolent evil fill?! There is no fucking way that mere chance has created anything so nasty, so heinous, so downright wrong.

I can easily relate to scorpions. If I had a pair of pincers and a huge stinger I’d be killing my fair share of the eight legged abominations.

And not just a fair share.

I am invincible!

This fucking flu is getting ridiculous.
It’s been going on for four weeks. Last week, one kid out of six was fit for school. Of all the kids at the time, he and a month old baby were the only ones not infested. And even that one kid, not the baby, was sick few days back. They’ve all had good days but then it hits right back at you when you think you’ve kicked it.

Even the workers are getting sick with the killer flu of death. In the middle of this typhoon of influenza I have remained unaffected. Me and two others. I never get sick easily. I used to basically crawl around in the mud and lick toads as a kid. I was only borderline civilized back then, and now it’s paying back. I’ve got an immune system that can kick super-viruses and killer germs with. (Except cooties, those fuckers are my Achilles’ heel)

In the past month or so I’ve spent more time in the hospital than in the past three years. As I was taking one of the lil’ peckers to get his ears checked I noticed something. The waiting room is a huge hall with a high roof, cavernous even. And the echo there is insane. Yeah, that’s right. They put the sick children in a hall with an echo like a motherfucker. What the fuck were they thinking?!

I'm feeling fine.

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KER-POW!

I had this fabulous blog entry all figured out at work. It had everything: foulmouthing, boisterous baffooning, pompous arrogance, profanities, wit, philosophical conundrum, sex with adolescents, catnip, profanities, cussing, swearing and foul language. But alas, as things go I forgot everything about it by the time I got home.

I have no schedule to abide by so if I haven’t got anything to write, then I don’t have to write anything. I’m doing this for my own pleasure. So why am I writing this now?

‘Cus I’m hardcore like that.

Bouillabaisse.

It’s just one of those days when you know that something’s going to happen. The nagging feeling in the back of your head telling you to brace yourself. And all you can do is to hope for the best. Sometimes, lucky times, the feeling amounts to nothing and you go through a normal day feeling slightly more selfaware. Sometimes the feeling is right and you get to watch your world change.

Just someday…

MODERN SCIENCE!

Logical leap is something that happens when you get from point a to point d.

Assumption is something that happens when you go from point a to point b.

The difference should be clear if you think about it. Logical leap requires that you understand that there are more steps on the way but you’re just skipping over them ‘cus you’re that damn good. Assuming shit is just pretending to ignore the process and making guesses and then hoping that you’re not wrong.

Tricky business.

Infinity incarnate.

I’d like to point out that I am writing this under the influence of music so if there are any holes in my thoughts or writing I have an excuse.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s get to business. I work at a foster care house at the moment. I’m doing my unarmed service there. Not many know about it but a year ago I was having a sort of a personal crisis. Not of identity, I’ve always known who I am, a crisis of surroundings. I needed to figure out some things about reality.

I did some errors due to confusion and haste back then. One of them was going to the army. I figured that in a place that you don’t need to think,. just follow orders, would be the perfect place to use the excess thinking time to figure out some things. I was wrong. All I could think about there was how flawed the Finnish army is. And it’s ridiculously so, but let’s not go there this time. So I did what I should’ve done in the first place. I changed my mandatory military service into unarmed civilian training. And as unbelievable as it is, considering my choice of employment during civil service is giving me more time to think. And giving me more avenues of thought to boot.

You’d think that in a job where I am responsible for several under aged problem children I’d be pretty busy with their problems… But as it always is, solving their problems is helping me figure out my own. And lately, after figuring out my shit, I’ve had time to delve into matters of the physic and meta-physic.

Also, I love it there. Thinking about continuing as a temp after my service ends in the little time that I have before starting my (at the moment hypothetical) university tour of duty.

And all that jazz.

Wetter is better!

I can’t write with pen and paper nor with a desktop computer… But give me a laptop and I’ll spew miles worth of inane ramblings that don’t mean jackshit. I’m using a desktop to write this particular entry and it’s exceedingly hard. Don’t know why.

But anyways. The new Mars Volta album is out. The bedlam in goliath. Get it now if you haven’t gotten it yet. It’s like catnip spiced coffee sprinkled on chocolate chip cookies and served on nubile young girl’s delicious flat chest. Only better.

Trilobite findings from the desert of Kalahari.

I always forget how beautiful Finland really is. Huge grass fields fenced by woods. Leaves everywhere. Green everywhere. Slight hilling. Plains as far as the woods fence them. But most of all the word that comes to my mind is tranquil. “Silence shrouds the forest as the birds announce the dawn”. But there is no necromancer here. No evils. Never the less, it is a rather silly place. Stupid people. Petty people. People.

Things are always the same where ever I go. It’s only variations of appearance. And for appearances sake are the greatest stupidities made. Can’t think. Doesn’t think. Won’t think. Most don’t think about themselves most the time. Most never. They do things because they are done. Never do they think why things are done that way. Or why they feel the way they feel, why they think the way they think.

I on the other hand am way better than the majority of most. After all… I AM a god. I think all the time, constantly. I always question my feelings, thoughts, actions, existence. I talk with me all the time, dialogue in my head. I let my mind take the roles of my friends, people that I know. I try to figure out the holes in my thoughts. “Where they go to the forest”, as we say in Finland. Keeps me on my toes and let’s me look things from another angle. Gives me perspective. And takes my mind on to whole new areas I didn’t think it could go.

Is that the secret to my smarts? I don’t know. What I do know is that it has made me make up some damn good excuses and combined with my fiendish good looks it has gotten my out of trouble many times. Damn I’m good.

Damn I get sidetracked easily.

How to rape the English language, lesson 7.

By King of Clouds (Fuckwit in languages from the university college of Kotka, Finland)

I feel so old. For Christ’s sakes, I’m only 19 and I already feel like I’ve got one foot in the grave. Dave (40-something nutcase from Scotland) always says that I shouldn’t feel like this ‘til I’m well over 40, but hey. Such is the circle of life. I kinda dread what I’ll feel like when I AM well over 40. Like a tortoise from the Galapagos? Fuckleak… makes you feel like shit, doesn’t it?

By the way, Berserk by Kentaro Miura is THE shits. You should all read it.

Ps. Chocolate chip cookies with dark roasted coffee is, also as they say, the shits.
Pps. I’m supposed to go study English on a university level… yay me.
Post scriptum addendum: I didn’t get in, btw. Hands up who’s surprised. Trying again this year.

Oh, and just so you know. David isn't talking to me anymore. Haven't since summer. To my knowledge he stopped talking to me 'cus I objected to his attempts at wooing a female friend of mine. She was 19 at the time and tiny little pixie thing. David's 400 pound monster who's 45 years old. And let's not go into the psychologicals of the relationship... So I have fewer friends now because of that. And apparently they are dating now.

Lepattajat.

June 5th, 2007

Kouvola bus-station, Finland

I hate being between places. I really do. There’s nothing more irritating than waiting for the ride at a place where you don’t belong. I don’t know anyone here. I don’t know any places to go in here. All I can do is sit in this crummy station café waiting for the bus to arrive so that I can move on towards home. Watching the stupid little people go on with their stupid little lives. And what the fuck is up with Kouvola, anyways? There’s like gazillion tuners here. It seems like it’s the friggin’ tuning capitol of Finland. There’s pimped out rides, pimped out bikes, pimped out people who look like they have fortunes but really have fuck-o since they spent all their money to look good. Silly, isn’t it?

But then again, who am I to judge. I spend most of my money on cds that I could easily just download from the internet. How silly of me. I know damn well that it’s the future and all, but I just prefer to buy mine as cds. Got a quarrel with me on that? Tough luck.

Seems again, that I’m just ranting about everything that comes to my mind, eh? Well I don’t care. I’m doing this because I’m really fucking bored in an unfamiliar place. It gives me something to think about. So you can just go fuck yourself.

C is for cookie.

2nd of July 2007

Somewhere in Finland, between places.

I love laptops. Here I am in a bus waiting for my inevitable boredom in Lapinjärvi. Typing away, like there’s no care for tomorrow. And there isn’t, actually. Tomorrow comes tomorrow and it’ll bring what it’ll bring. Call me careless, but also call me stressless.

I’m just that kind of person. Can’t be arsed to care for tomorrow and I can’t worry about the past. Actually I couldn’t, even if I wanted to. Most of the times I don’t even remember what happened yesterday. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with my memory. Just somewhere along the line of experiencing today and saving it for tomorrow there’s a little KoC saying “what’s the point?”. I mean why save your day to day life? You know hoe you live? And again, here’s a chance for a big misunderstanding, “he has a boring life”, “his life sucks so there’s nothing to remember”. I love my life. Every damn day of it. Of course I’ll remember if yesterday was good or bad. I’ll remember if something important happened. And I’ll remember that I enjoyed living it. But the thing is, I already know what makes life enjoyable for me. There’s no need to write it down to my head everyday. If I remember that I had a good day, I’ll pretty much know what kind of stuff I did then. And I also know how to enjoy the little things, a good cup of coffee, a pretty girl walking by and smiling at you, nice nap on the lawn after you just cut the grass. There’s no need for me to engrave the details. If it was good then, that’s enough for me. And C is for cookie.

Headline

Friday 28th of June 2007

Beyond the fabric of time, space and civilized world.

I’m working at the gym today. My work details are as follows: be present, be present and be present. So basically, I’m getting paid for just being here. You’d think it’s the best job ever… well, the pay is shite and it’s so boring that I can literally feel my brains going all mushy. I have to keep my headphones on all the time just to keep my brains from flowing out my ears.

I’ve been writing all day. I never write. That’s mostly because, unlike every other 5 cent wannabe artist out there, I am aware of the fact that I can’t write for shit. And I’m not saying that I’m a wannabe artist. I just get these urges to write something every now and then. I seem to have a knack for dialogue. But that’s all I can make. Decent, sometimes even funny, dialogue. You can’t exactly make much with just dialogue. Especially if you lack everything else.

See? Dilemmas everywhere. I want to write but I can’t. Only thing I can do is mould and sculpt. But then again… I’m pretty damn good with that. And there’s a decent drawer hidden somewhere inside me. So I ain’t completely a lost case, methinks.

Sure, I could always get back to playing guitar. But I just and just know the basics. I only played for a very short time. And it’s been some time. You’d figure I’d be pretty decent ‘cus I have damn nimble fingers (wink, wink) But alas, I lack the strength to be able press the strings down enough. Maybe I should get thinner strings for now and build up my finger strength from there… Meh, ain’t got the patience for that. As long as I can find music that I can enjoy, I don’t need to start making my own.

Hmm… can’t think of more to say, so I guess I’ll call it a day for now.

Play nice.

Diaryish

Siviilipalvelus.

27. kesäk. 07 klo.12:45

Täällä mie nyt olen lapinjärven punttisalilla tappamassa aikaa kirjoittamalla. Ei sillä, musa pauhaa, ja tekstiä tulee. Mutta vedetäänkin jatko suuren maailman kielellä jotta voidaan joskus tällä jotain tehdä...

Well basically I’m very damn bored right now. Bit tired and feeling for a cup of cola. Life ain’t perfect nor fair but we all play with the cards that we’re given, right? Just read an article about witchcraft from a Jehova’s witness’s pamphlet (sic?). Was rather amusing stuff. I dunno what’s with the religious gits these days… I mean they contradict themselves in their writings SO much that it has to be conscious. No-one fucks up THAT much by accident. I swear to god. They don’t even believe in that shit themselves. They’re just having a big laugh on our expense.

But then again… who am I to judge. After all I myself am the benevolent (most of the time, at least) God-Emperor of the kingdom of clouds. And the high-priest of the state religion of the kingdom of clouds. Not to mention the fact that I am also the only resident of the said state and member of said religion… but we’ll change that, won’t we? WON’T WE?!

Fucking skeptics doubting me…

Oh well, we can’t have it all. If we could even have some of it. It’s not like I ask too much. I would be very content with few new CDs, a good book or two and for everybody to LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! That’s not too much to ask, right?

So anyways, I might get a job from closer to home which means I’d be getting the fuck away from here. It’s not so bad here that it’d warrant such hostility towards the place… It’s just that everyone I know are a tad under 100km away and I feel so left out. I do like the people here too. Some great guys I’ve met here, some normal some completely fucking disgusting idealist hippie scum. But then again… I am a bit idealistic & romantic at heart myself. So I can’t blame him (too much). Yeah, yeah… I can hear some screaming from the backrow there. “But You’re a complete fucking prick and there isn’t a single fucking shred of decency or even humanity in your shriveled little soul!” Well, that’s life for you. Sometimes the pricks are just pricks and sometimes the pricks are filled with a creamy heart.

I guess that’s all for now, ‘cus if I continue from that thought it’d start to go down introspection lane. And I don’t mind that personally, but I guess no one wants to read that, right? But, hey! You can always ask me to tell more about myself. Just ask, and if you’re not a complete dickwad, I just might tell you something.

And so it begins.

Just noticed now that I made this blog ages ago and haven't been using it since then.
So... what to do with it? Well, I found some sketches for entries from last summer I was thinking about putting up. Now I'll put them up. Oh fracturous day, kaloo kaley!